I’m Struggling, Tiffany. What Do I Do?

I’ve been supporting people who are struggling for over 30 years. And I want to say…if you’re going through it, I’m here. I’m with you. These are not empty words, this is who I am. And it’s what you need most when you’re struggling. 

Support. Empathy.

Someone to help you see you’re not alone, and there is a solution, a way out, and a way forward.

 
And you need help, right now, right here as you read these words. You need to know what the next right step forward is. How to change your perspective, understand what’s really going on, and find the tools to help you…now, not tomorrow.

So, let’s break down a coaching session, where in one hour we’d have your problem fleshed out, stripping away the stories and illusions so you can see it clearly, brainstorm solutions, and start shifting any mindsets or beliefs that might be standing in the way of those solutions being implemented.

First, get real about how you’re feeling and feel it. Even if it’s just for a moment. If you’re not willing to face the feelings, you’ll continue to numb out and run in the opposite direction of the answers you’re looking for.

Name the emotions. I’ll get you started:

Fear. 
Anxiety. 
Anger. 
Rage. 
Hurt. 
Sadness. 
Frustration. 
Hope. 
Determination. 
Hopelessness. 
Shame.
Guilt.
Self-loathing.
Indignation.

Next, on a real piece of paper write out what happened. What’s going on? Lay out the whole story. Set a 10 or 15 minute timer if you like, but spell it all out like you would for your coach. No holds barred, say whatever comes up.

Now, take a break. Yes, get up, go for a walk, breathe, meditate, take a shower and wash it all away. Do something to pull your mind away from what you just wrote.

Why? You need some distance from your story. You don’t have a coach helping you see from the outside in, so you get to do that for yourself. 

Come back when you feel calmer and open to seeing with fresh eyes. Read your story again. Then read it out loud. 

Imagine a friend is telling you this story, someone you love and want the best for. What would your response be to them? How would you empathise, reflect back what they’re going through, and what would you say to them?

Write down at least 1 to 3 sentences that reflect back what you’ve just read, that empathise and understand what you’re going through. 

“Oh man, that sounds so hard, I’m sorry you’re going through that. It sounds like you’re feeling pretty angry, but I’m also thinking maybe your feelings are hurt too?”

If you’re reading this and rolling your eyes, I get it! No one’s twisting your arm here, you don’t have to do this! But if you’re here and you want to actually feel better and move forward? Try it, my friend. What do you have to lose?

Now that you’re showing up for yourself with empathy and understanding, on to the next step. 
See if you can write out what parts of your story are the nuts and bolts of what’s going on, and what parts are ‘your story.’ What have you decided it means? What thoughts have you decided to believe about what’s going on? I’m not saying your thoughts aren’t true! 

But, let’s be grown-ass adults here and look at what happened vs. what you’re telling yourself about what happened. Show up for yourself fully and acknowledge the story. You’ve got this! 

Once you can see the difference, you can get even more distance and perspective on what’s going on. With perspective comes the ability to see clearly. Once you can see clearly, you can start to see a way forward. You can start to see who you might need to talk to, who might need an apology, or who might owe you one.

 
From a neurological perspective, we’re pulling you forward out of the fear center of the brain and into the reasoning, logical part of the brain. From this place you have access to creativity, broad thinking, and problem-solving. From here you can make decisions and move forward not from fear, but from peace. 

This may seem overly simple, but this is exactly what we do in coaching. Nothing can replace that outside perspective, of course, but you can show up for yourself, coach yourself, and remember that you are the author of your life.

 
You, your body, your mind, and your soul have all the answers. All you need to do is feel what you’re feeling, get clear on your story, step back and move into a calm, peaceful state, and look at your life, and whatever you’re struggling with, through that lens. You have everything you need.

And if you’d like more support, schedule a Clarity Coaching session and let’s work through this together.

Tiffany 💫